Oil Drop Paperweight

Just because you don’t live on the Gulf Coast doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the opportunity to see crude oil every day!  Paper meets its match in these stylish paperweights containing oil droplets from the first federal OCS Alaska production (think of them as the earth's tears) from January 16, 2002.

Approximately (because we have trouble with calibration)  2.5" x 2.5" x 2.5"

$125

Auction Closed

1997 MMS Hammer Award
Picture Frame

In 1997 Vice President Al Gore acknowledged MMS employees with the Hammer Award for the agency’s Innovative Achievements Program which signifies agency and staff commitment to customer service (wink, wink).

Read the Goracle's timeless message to the MMS: “Thanks for building a government that works better and costs less!”  Frame your own self-proclaimed achievement in this fabulously kitschy item.

Picture frame holds a 4" x 3" photo.

$100

Auction Closed

Safety Week Flashlight

Tired of being in the dark?  Navigate your way into the light like MMS employees with this Safety Week flashlight!  Flashlight head pivots for light at any angle (allowing for maximum regulatory flexibility).

Flashlight approximately 4.5" long and (being the cheap nonprofit that we are) batteries are not included.

$75

Auction Closed

“Never Take a Brake from Safety” Lunch Box

Pack up your lunch in this classic MMS Safety Day 2009 Lunch Box with the sage advice “Never Take a Brake from Safety” stenciled on the front.  MMS may not "brake" from safety, but they do "break" for lunch (and coke parties with oil lobbyists) but not scientific uncertainty.  Your alimentary canal will thank you for buying this Lunch Box!

2 available!

6" x 5.5" x 7.5"

$100

Auction Closed

Safety Week Gym Bag

Need to pack up and get outta Dodge fast?  Simulate the Elizabeth Birnbaum experience with this authentic MMS Safety Day 2008 gym bag bearing the ever-vigilant "At Home At Work Stay Alert" legend.  Relive the days when MMS never slept on the job with this unique tote.

$125

Auction Closed

Petey the Petroleum Loving Whale

Nothing says "oil spill" like a fun loving whale.  This plush whale is embossed with "MMS Environmental Studies Program" and bears the most clueless grin you'll ever find on a cetacean.  The mascot shows just how much fun acoustic shock waves can be for migrating marine animals.

Whale is only 4" long but will be a huge hit with your special mammal.

$50

Auction Closed

Safety Whistle with Red Light
(Safety Week 2004)

Blowing the whistle just got a little easier.  MMS handed out these whistles and key chains to their employees for Safety Week 2004, a simpler time when the biggest danger employees faced was in their own parking lots.

$75

Auction Closed

MMS Whistle

This classic metal MMS whistle comes in a fetching bureaucratic blue.  Give a little whistle while you work with this baby.

$75

Auction Closed

MMS Pedometer

Walking away from your responsibility can really be the path to better health!  Track your steps just like the friendly folks at MMS did with this handy pedometer.

$75

Auction Closed

25^th Anniversary Pin

Commemorate 25 years of priceless MMS memories.  This 2007 trinket is a reminder of the agency glory days, before sex, drugs, Sugar Bowl tickets, massive royalty give-aways, and, yes, that thing in the Gulf, when Dick Cheney and Halliburton ruled the earth.

$50

Auction Closed

MMS Lanyard

Wrap this baby around your neck and let your energy freak flag fly.  Display your identity in a way that shouts "Damn the blowout preventers, full speed ahead."

$75

Auction Closed

Safety Day Hand Sanitizer & AntiMicrobial Telephone Pad

So what was the safety focus of MMS in 2009?  You guessed it...germs!  One can never be too careful among the cubicles.  Protect yourself against your unsanitary co-workers by using this MMS Safety Day 2009 Antimicrobial Telephone Pad and hand sanitizer.  Practice safety the MMS way! 

$50

Auction Closed

MMS Pen Set

Wonder what it’s like to sign off on under-analyzed offshore fiascos?  Practice power penmanship with this beautifully crafted pen container embossed with the seal of MMS.  Each wooden container contains two ballpoint pens embossed with the words “Minerals Management Service.”

2 Available!

$125

Auction Closed

Dietary Pocket Pals

Besides germs, the MMS Safety Day concerns in 2009 centered on high calorie intake with these handy guides.  These zany items are must-have mementos – but watch out for paper cuts!

[In case of paper cut, please refer to the additional freebie, First Aid Basics]

$50

Auction Closed

MMS 25^th Anniversary Laptop Bag

Be the envy of any Geek Squad.  Carry your computer in a bag that says you might blow any second - and when you do...you can NOT be contained.  Stride with a wacky undercurrent of menace toting this distinctive bag.

$125

Auction Closed

DOI Ethics Guide

Got an urge to hop into the sack with an oily lobbyist?  The best protection you can have is this handy 43-page Department of the Interior Pocket Ethics Guide.  Carry it with you at work or play.  No need for a conscience with this compelling compilation of don'ts.  Puts the Code of Hammurabi to shame.

$50

Auction Closed